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My Lord and I

Divine Communiques

 

I.

The

Nostalgic Cry

of a

Vexed

Child of God

 

II.

A

Bruised Reed

 

III.

A

Smoking Flax

 

IV.

Be Still

 

V.

Glimpses

in the

Night

 

VI.

Glimpses

in the

Light

 

VII.

Lead Me

to the

Rock

 

VIII.

To Open the Door

 

IX.

I Must Carry On

 

X.

My Times

are in

Thy Hands

 

<<<<{{{{((((((((R.L.M.))))))))}}}}>>>>

 

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I.

The

Nostalgic Cry

of a

Vexed

Child of God

 

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls." 1st Peter 1:3-9

 

"Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication. Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise; Because of the voice of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked: for they cast iniquity upon me, and in wrath they hate me. My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me. And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest…As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me. Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice…Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." Psalms 55:1-8,16-17,22

 

Nostalgic cries heard in my soul

The pain I feel, the hurt I know

 

I'm so empty inside, the flesh I hate

I must shake myself, for the hour grows late

 

What's become of me, have I lost my way?

The past it seems, was my brightest day

 

Test and trials, unknown before

Or maybe depression, upon me pours?

 

In mysterious waters, with depths unknown

I must be still but wonder, am I reaping what I've sown?

 

Persecuted and vexed, they're so full of hate

I sometimes feel so trapped and hexed, as the hour grows late

 

Such carnal cares seek to arise

From their expectations, thus my life is despised

 

Satan's attack, perhaps I’ve self incurred

My enemies seek my soul and wish me hurt

 

From this vicious cycle, I must break free

Lest my heart becomes fertile ground, for a bitter seed

 

This battle's for life, I must stand having done all

Or this coal could be quenched and my soul could fall

 

There's no love for Jesus, in the children of night

Yet only in Thee and Thy Word have I found the true light

 

Their spiritual death I've touched, Thus ''Unclean'' I cry

I have a Leprous heart and I'm so unsatisfied

 

A friend of the world, no longer am I

So I ask O Lord Jesus, why do I feel so empty inside?

 

Undone I am, I'm such a corrupted soul

Thus Thy Blood I plead, to confess all my woes

 

If Thy Son's love offended? My Father, if I?

Please forgive me I pray, because for Thy mercy I cry.

© 1994 Raymond Bolton Pena

 

"I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained my lips, O LORD, thou knowest. I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation. Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O LORD: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me. For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me. Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me: O LORD, make haste to help me. Let them be ashamed and confounded together that seek after my soul to destroy it; let them be driven backward and put to shame that wish me evil. Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame that say unto me, Aha, aha. Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as love thy salvation say continually, The LORD be magnified. But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God." Psalms 40:9-17

 

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II.

A

Bruised Reed

 

"He shall not strive, nor cry; neither shall any man hear his voice in the streets. A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory. And in his name shall the Gentiles trust." Matthew 12:19-21

 

When I was born again

Life it seemed I then understood

The bad things of old just passed away

And all things were new and good

 

But as the years have come and gone

I've found life not quite the same

Dog eats dog without a heart

And life is filled with such sharp pain

 

I look into the mirror now

And all I see is a wasted life

There's been strife and tears beyond compare

I see a dead soul in my eyes

 

Just existing now I can not feel

Betrayals hurt so much I died

I do not hate, but I fear to love

Because it's such a painful sacrifice

 

No one knows my agony

And I doubt that anyone even cares

I've lost my vision and my dream

And I live in such deep dark despair

 

I've seen too much and I've felt too much

To carry onward still

Oh God above please rescue me

I'm even scared to pray and kneel

 

Yet I just heard His still small voice

Speaking comfort to my soul

My God has been faithful and oh so true

To let me know He knows

 

He said: "Hush My child, do not fear

I'm with you in the dark

I have all things in My command

and I will never leave you or depart

 

Just turn your eyes unto Me

and I will make your darkness light

For I am He who has conquered death

I am your resurrection and your life

 

You said no one cares, but My child I do

I've had you in My sight

I've even brought you through death and hell

safely through the night

 

Look unto Me and pray My child

take hold of My two edge Sword

And I will create in you a clean soft heart

renewing your spirit by My Word

 

For I am yours and you are Mine

My mercy shall never fail

You need not fear Satan, demons or men

neither past failures threatened from hell

 

Thus walk in the light and not in the darkness

work out thy own salvation with trembling & fear

Keeping thyself in the fear and love of thy God

they that hath ears to hear; thus, let them hear."

© 2001 Raymond Bolton Pena

 

"Behold my servant, whom I uphold; mine elect, in whom my soul delighteth; I have put my spirit upon him: he shall bring forth judgment to the Gentiles. He shall not cry, nor lift up, nor cause his voice to be heard in the street. A bruised reed shall he not break, and a smoking flax shall he not quench: he shall bring forth judgment unto truth. He shall not fail nor be discouraged, till he have set judgment in the earth: and the isles shall wait for his law.  Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath to the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein: I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and will give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house." Isaiah 42:1-7

 

"This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1st John 1:5-9

 

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III.

A

Smoking Flax

 

"And when he was departed thence, he went into their synagogue: And, behold, there was a man which had his hand withered. And they asked him, saying, Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath days? that they might accuse him. And he said unto them, What man shall there be among you, that shall have one sheep, and if it fall into a pit on the sabbath day, will he not lay hold on it, and lift it out? How much then is a man better than a sheep? Wherefore it is lawful to do well on the sabbath days. Then saith he to the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it forth; and it was restored whole, like as the other. Then the Pharisees went out, and held a council against him, how they might destroy him. But when Jesus knew it, he withdrew himself from thence: and great multitudes followed him, and he healed them all; And charged them that they should not make him known: That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Behold my servant, whom I have chosen; my beloved, in whom my soul is well pleased: I will put my spirit upon him, and he shall shew judgment to the Gentiles. He shall not strive, nor cry; neither shall any man hear his voice in the streets. A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory. And in his name shall the Gentiles trust." Matthew 12:9-21

 

O God above

Which Art on High

I must confess

that I have lived a lie

 

In waxing cold

I have sinned

Adrift in this world

my soul descends

 

For my first love

I have left

And I have become so lost

in this my quest

 

How it all happened

I must confess I know

And like a smoking flax

so is this my soul

 

Now with not a spark

without a prayer

With not a shimmer

it smolders there

 

With not a flicker

of the slightest light

With not a seeming hope

still it does not die

 

Behold the grace

of Christ our God

Who keeps His own

by such great love

 

For there are fallen soldiers

along the way

In snares so deep

from whence they pray

 

Art thou a child

of the light?

Who has fallen

in the dark of night?

 

With fiery trials

so dark and strange?

Twisting your mind

to think that you're insane?

 

With no power left

to carry on

Do you sometimes feel

you're doomed all alone?

 

Like the sheep that fell

on that Sabbath Day?

Like the withered hand

they forbade to pray?

 

He felt without a hope

and without a prayer

Until Jesus Christ

appeared standing there

 

Surrounded by scornful

religious hate and strife

Yet Jesus spoke the Word

and brought him new life

 

Art thou surrounded

by malicious strife?

Do hypocrites despise

thy very life?

 

Art thou dying

unto death?

Back slidden in turmoil

and in deep regret?

 

Art thou confused

undone and lost?

Like a drowning man

whom a storm has tossed?

 

Art thou unsecure

to the Rock of thy life?

Or does the anchor still hold

secure, fixed and tight?

 

The everlasting mercy of God

forever shall endure

And His unconditional love

is still mine and yours

 

Yet we must keep ourselves

in the love of God

Against the false security lie

of a one sided love

 

For Jude has warned us

against lascivious grace

And of the angels

who kept not their first estate

 

Thus it seems to me

that while God's love is true

Yet the question still remains:

Is our love also too?

 

For how can I lie

when deep down I know

I have lost my way

and my love has waxed so cold?

 

Therefore I must repent

and flee from this my sin

Even the sin of compromise

with my family and friends

 

To take up my cross

and my self to deny

Even though by doing such

is a painful sacrifice

 

For I sometimes feel like Christian

in the story of old

A Pilgrim fighting to make Progess

as this journey unfolds

 

In this town doomed for destruction

I can no longer stay

Being so vexed to death

by their worldly ways

 

To be hated by all

in such malicious strife

To be brought to proverty

by persecution and lies

 

To be trapped in a world

where dog eats dogs

Where men live like beast

and behave like greedy hogs

 

Where doing what's right

when self must be denied

Will cost you far more

than your dignity and pride

 

Where all live a lie

to their own selfish gain

While still attending Church

like hypocrites in vain

 

Where truth has fallen

in the streets

Where they sell out their own Mother's

For a piece of meat

 

Where sometimes you must suffer

instead of walking away

To protect the innocent and helpless

and to keep them safe

 

Thus things are not always

as they might appear

When Christians are slandered

and their names are smeared

 

When the wicked in hatred

seek to self justify

Their own evil injustice

by the telling of lies

 

When all men revile you

and persecute your soul

When they curse and condemn you

against the truth they all know

 

When life is a struggle

from one day to the next

When the attacks are all unrelenting

as they inundate and sore vex

 

How can I stand strong?

Or must I take flight and flee?

O God where can I go now?

in this dilemma I plead!

 

Peace be still

for thy God still reigns

Thou shalt not die

but thou shalt live again

 

For I was blind

but now I see

Dumb in spirit

but now I speak

 

Not blind in eyes

but in heart and soul

I Could only speak

about the pain I had known

 

With Faint Heart, Mistrust

and Guilt within

I had such little faith

to fight and win

 

To steal, to kill

and to destroy they came

Faint Heart demanded all

of my earthly gain

 

Mistrust took my silver

until I had none

Then Guilt it smote me

so that I could not run

 

Were it not for Grace

I would have died

For they took not my spiritual jewels

or my Birthright

 

Still yet doubt and fear

consumed my life

Thus I slandered my enemies

for my pain and plight

 

Therefore condemnation

became my chosen fate

For the stronghold of resentment

I could not break

 

Afflicted was I

for all my loss

In poverty and troubles

I turned and tossed

 

For these thieves had a master

who fought for them

And against their evil king

I could not win

 

Because I had fallen

in my own sin

By allowing their root of bitterness

to enter in

 

Yet greater grace

abounded still

Though I could not see

or no longer feel

 

For I carried on

against hope unseen

And when I should have died

God did intervene

 

Numb and in shock

from being ransacked

Browbeaten and oppressed

by their unrelenting attack

 

Subjugated to endure

their cruel spiteful hate

To demoralize my soul

in the way I feel and think

 

Thus from bad to worse

I seemed to go

Until my flax gave not

the slightest glow

 

And through many sleepless

and troubled nights

I tried to pray

and make things right

 

I even went to the Churches

to seek help in vain

Yet they had sold out God

just to entertain

 

And the ones which stood

against such worldly things

Were just too self righteous

to comprehend my pain

 

For they had no compassion

or Christly love

Thus theirs was not a wisdom

from up above

 

Because they only judged me

for the sins of my past

And upon my soul

their own sins they cast

 

I have traveled long

and I have journeyed far

Seeking a place of rest

for mind and heart

 

But standing there

He always was

In the patient grace

of His undying love

 

Yet without true faith

He is not pleased

Thus He must wait until

we again believe

 

So to Faint Heart

we must say goodbye

If doubt and fear

are to be denied

 

For Mistrust and Guilt

shall go on their way

Once we repent in truth

and in faith we pray

 

For there is now no condemnation

to such as you or I

Who live by our faith

in Jesus Christ

 

Who walk not after

the cares of this life

But who walk in the Spirit

of Jesus Christ

 

Thus ABBA Father

whereby we cry

Bears the witness of God's Word

to be heard on high

 

And the Spirit's groanings

though unuttered heard

Maketh intercession to God

by the promised Word

 

And so thus thereby

we know all things

Work together for us

to be rearranged

 

According to the purpose

of our God

For the good of them

who have been called

 

Who love their God

and were foreknown

Unto the image of His Son

to be conformed

 

What can we say

then to these things?

For if God be for us

then we shall be changed

 

For who is he

that condemns our souls?

When it was Jesus who died

and Jesus who rose?

 

Thus who can separate us

from the love of Christ?

Shall tribulation

or the distress of life?

 

Shall persecution

for God's Word?

Or famine or nakedness

or peril or sword?

 

For we are more than conquerers

through God's love

By the power of His grace

through His cleansing blood

 

"For I am persuaded,

that neither death, nor life..."

"...shall be able to separate us from the love of God,

which is in Christ Jesus..." 

 

"...nor angels, nor principalities,

nor powers..." that be

Can keep us from being restored

if only we believe

 

"...nor things present,

nor things to come,

Nor height, nor depth,"

No not any thing or one

 

"...nor any other creature..."

that has been made

For the mercy of God endures

to forgive and save

 

Unto the uttermost

to those who repent in faith

Who walk in His light

by His Spirit's grace

 

Thus it is Thy precious blood

that I must plead

When I am tossed and turned

in most desperate need

 

For Thy grace is astounding

and so unsurpassed

It is indeed amazing

and without a match

 

As Thy loving kindness

and Thy mercies love

Descends upon Thy Remnant

from on high above

 

A smoking flax

Thou shall not quench

To be set ablaze

only if we repent!

© 2008 Raymond Bolton Pena

 

"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you. Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified. What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:1-39

 

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IV. 

Be Still

 

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah. There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah. Come, behold the works of the LORD, what desolations he hath made in the earth. He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire." Psalms 46:1-9

 

Sometimes through life I move so fast

And from day to day I fail to grasp

The fleeting moments that quickly pass

Which leave me longing in their shadow's cast

 

O God above still my soul

Calm my heart and take control

For only in Thy presence can I really know

True peace of mind down here below

© 1996 Raymond Bolton Pena

 

"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah." Psalms 46:10-11

 

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V.

Glimpses

in the

Night

 

"Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God? Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:27-31

 

Sometimes in the night

I awake to catch a glimpse

Though semi-conscious

another realm I sense

 

Reality as I've known it

becomes a delusion in vain

Then I reckon a fearful thought

Now I too am spiritually unsane

 

For though I catch a glimpse

of the other side beyond

I stand wretched, lost, without

Blind, naked and undone

 

I can not tell you what I've seen

for what it is I do not know